Here's a quote for the Max Lucado book "Fearless." I really, really need that book!
This speaks to my heart. I am totally afraid that I won't be able to handle what Storms may come with the Marine Corps. I am afraid and it's clouding my judgment about the reality of the civilian side. I'm not saying it's bad out there, but it's not perfect either and it's not the key to happiness. My attitude and demeanor are. Read this quote from C.S. Lewis.
"Faith...is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. For moods will change, whatever view your reason takes. I know that by experience. Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable...That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods "where they get off," you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion."
That is so me. I need to make a decision. The decision is not whether or not to stay in the Marine Corps. It is to stop being afraid of what might or might not happen, and trust in Jesus to be there, through the storms. "He who tries to save his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for My sake will find it." Matt 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, John 12:25
I think by trying to get out of the Marine Corps, in my mind, I'm scheming for a way to "save" my life and avoid what I see as unnecessary burdens that detract from what I want and (think that) I need. But, what do I know? God is the only one who knows what "burdens" are necessary to make me the man He wants me to be and the man that my family needs me to be. I can't let fear be the cornerstone in my decision making process. Whether it be fear of failure, burden, or even fear of death. I have to trust that God is in control ultimately and that every storm that I encounter, even the one that will eventually result in my death (even if that "storm" is dying of old age in a nursing home surrounded by my loved ones) is at His command and not simply something I could have avoided if I'd listened to my fear.
Fear is smart. It is conniving. It knows just how to formulate an argument that sounds like the right think to do. It might even appear like godly advice. But, if at the root of the argument, my eyes are on me and not Christ, then the argument holds no water. That is how you can tell if your "advice" is coming from fear of the Holy Spirit. I need to just ask myself, "Who am I concerned about when making this plan? Me or Christ?"
That is a tough question to ask myself. Because, even now, fear is screaming, "Think
of yourself. There's no telling where God will take you if you completely
surrender to Him. God wants you to worry about taking care of yourself and
not do anything that sounds uncomfortable."
Wow! Fear's voice sounds a lot like mine in my head and is disguised as truth, but is actually dripping with selfishness, influenced heavily by modern culture that says, "I before everything."
Even after typing all of this out, I'm still scared to commit. I can't see into the future and I don't want to close any doors that offer possible retreat if it gets too hot. I'm lukewarm, afraid of making a decision in either direction. Unfortunately for me, a lukewarm person is the one thing God chooses to "spit out of His mouth in disgust."
So, conclusion? I'm basing my desire to get out of the Marine Corps on fear and disdain for the unnecessary burdens; basically with "me" in mind. Based on the above dissertation, I'd have to say I need to chose the Marine Corps and trust that Christ is in control and that if He wants me to get out, then He can get me out. I need to worry about controlling my attitude because that is the only thing in this life I can control.
Thanks for listening.
