So, I was out on my patio enjoying the wonderful evening, smoking a very nice cigar, courtesy of my father-in-law, and a drinking a really good beer (Brooklyn Lager...shout out to my friends from NY). It was really peaceful. So peaceful in fact that I had time to just sit and listen to the evening and watch my family through the sliding glass door, and just enjoy watching them without worry about a meeting or checking my blackberry. It was nice and a little overdue if you know what I mean. I started praying for my brother Goldie and my close-as-brothers Deerhunter and MochaBear. (In case you haven't realized, I've changed the names of the innocent to protect their identities.) I was really praying for them because they're all deployed right now, two on ships, and one in Iraq. I was praying obviously for their safety, but more importantly that they'd know that their families miss them. We all have two kids each, all between the ages of 5 and 2 weeks. And we all are in desperate love with our families. I pray for them as often as I can. I can empathize with them because I was once in their shoes. So I know how hard it is to watch your kids grow up in pictures, especially when you live to interact with them, to hold them, and love on them. So, if you have a moment in your day not filled with chaos, please stop and pray for them.
Anyway, so after I came back to earth, I saw my wife walking around, entertaining the kids and our guests, Mrs. Mochabear and her kids. And how much I loved her just hit me. I really saw her through fresh eyes. My wife is beautiful, charming, hilarious, caring, giving, full of infectious optimism, honest, loving, beautiful, intelligent, challenging, and my biggest fan. She truly is everything that I never knew I wanted, and all that God knew I needed. I was just overwhelmed with love and, more importantly, appreciation for her. I say appreciation is more important because, as most of you know, it is really easy to overlook all the things that our spouses do for us. I reflected on the past few weeks and God revealed to me many times when I got mad at her for no reason whatsoever. She does nothing all day long but consider other people, whether it be kids or me or her friends. Yet, I have the gall to become offended if, heaven forbid, she doesn't read my mind and know exactly what I need without me having to voice it. I felt really convicted for my quiet resentment and I prayed for forgiveness. I'll ask for her forgiveness later this evening.
That conviction really opened my eyes even more. I began to see myself through fresh eyes. I really came to see how truly selfish and self-absorbed I've been, pretty much for the past 10 years. (Give or take a few years.) I have been overly concerned with what God has in store for me and what it's going to cost me. I have tried like crazy to avoid inconvenience, to minimize commitment that costs too much, and to not get too over-involved in other people's issues. Whoa!!! And I'm supposed to be following Christ? So, again, I prayed for forgiveness and began to count my blessings, blessings that were bestowed on me, despite my narcissistic tendencies.
Wow! Think about that. In spite of all that bad that we do, or the good we don't do, God still reigns down His blessings. Heck, He even died for us when we were the worst possible versions of ourselves, lost and living in a destructive relationship with darkness. He reached out, grabbed up, dusted us off, cleaned us up, and took us in His arms, never to turn loose of us. Our only requirement is to love Him in return more than we love ourselves, believe in Him, and stay in His arms. Everything else, the loving others, sharing our faith, tithing, worshipping Him is simply an outpouring of that love for Him. If we aren't doing those things, that fruit, if you will, then we must ask ourselves, "Am I loving God more or me?" Falling in love with God is just like falling in love with my wife. It is a daily decision that I can totally screw up if I'm not careful to put her needs first. Same with God. If I don't daily make that commitment to love Him more, then I'll lapse back into my narcissism and my spiritual muscles atrophy. It's no different that my physical muscles atrophying from a lack of use. The same theory applies to marriage and loving God.
But, at the end of the day, just like the gym is still there waiting on me, and my wife is still there lying next to me just wanting to be loved and appreciated, God is waiting for me to hop back in His arms, snuggle up against His chest, and let Him take care of me. Isn't it just crazy! Wow! It just blows my mind.
When was the last time you looked at yourself through fresh eyes? What about your spouse? What about God? It is truly an "eye-opening" experience. (Pun totally intended.) If it's been a while, maybe you should consider trying. What have you go to lose?
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly...But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6, 8
4 comments:
Yes, the gym, your Wife and God will always be there waiting for at the end of the day. But you in turn go to God and to your wife everyday...the gym on the other hand... patiently waits on you disappointedly.
You are blessed with a way with words. I know it will be used.
You have been blessed with a way with words. I know you will use it for His glory.
This post made me cry! I enjoyed reading it! You definitely have the gift of writing!
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